“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”
Steve Jobs
Drones … Identical in thought, in shape, in action … Never questioning …
Stay inside your little box … Wear the label … Conform, conform, conform…
Empty heads, empty hearts, empty souls.
Who am I? What am I?
I am different … I don’t fit here … This box does not suit me … This label does not define me…
Blinking in the light … I awaken to the differences.
This is me? Then I am not like you.
Let me be free … let me breathe … let me go my own way…
I will never - can never - be like you…
I will not be confined, defined.
I must get out … escape … leave behind the faceless drones … devoid of soul … devoid of originality … devoid of insight…
Leave behind the labels, boxes, stifling conformity…
Find the freedom to be me … to just be.
Life … Choice … Diversity … Beauty … Creativity … Passion … Love … Individuality …
Me.
To be continued …
I started to crash this weekend - badly. It doesn’t matter what triggered it, but it scared me how quickly I fell. Maybe it had been already building - there have been things causing me worry and trouble as usual - balance, commitments, family, health. I don’t know. I felt lost and alone for a couple of days, even though I knew I could have reached out and found comfort quite easily. My natural reaction to hide away kicked in.
However …
I am, for once, going to give myself credit for how I have handled the situation. Yes, I hid away, but the weekend was not a waste. I got creative after a while, made images in Daz, made notes for ideas that have been swimming round my head for weeks, scribbled random thoughts that may, or may not, appear here at some point. I drank wine, lit candles, read a book by HH The Dalai Lama, and caught up with my sleep. I was good to myself.
I have counted my blessings and know that I will be alright. I am going to accept help where it is offered, long before I hit the ground. I am fortunate enough to have people in my life who love me, who believe in me, who want me to be happy. People with me physically and those far away. I am opening up to them again, and apologise for shutting them out. I have a doctors appointment for tomorrow as I realised just how long it is since I checked in with her and how many little issues (and one or two big ones) I would like advice on. I will ask if there is the possibility of me seeing a counsellor too - something else I usually put off until I am in pieces on the ground.
So, you see, I am learning, growing, taking control. This is the first real test since I started to believe - and, it really is different this time…
Many, many things I have been meaning to post about. Life seems to be in a state of flux right now and I am working hard to get the balance right. Middle of last week was a case in question. I could easily have run for cover, away from some of the new stuff I have attracted into my life, or I could have drowned in it completely, getting so immersed that I ignored everything else. However, I found the balance and am proud of that. This weekend has been another test and on that, right now, I feel I am failing miserably. However, I know I will get back to where I have been - given time, and self care, and support. When I do, I will be sure to write more…
However, for now, I would like to share something from Brandi Reynolds. She is an amazing inspiration for me in this journey. The joy rebel is in me, always has been, she just needs a helping hand to get free. And I know how many more there are amongst the people I know - after all, thats what I like about you all 
So I post this in the hopes that you might go and read Brandi’s blog, think about your own joy rebel and join the growing band.
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FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
JOY REBEL ARMY GATHERING STRENGTH
Dallas, TX-April 25, 2009
They come from all walks of life and across the world. Joy rebels. There may be one in your own neighborhood.
What is a joy rebel?? A joy rebel is a member of an elite army started by Brandi Reynolds in early 2009. Brandi was tired of the ‘must fix list’ tirade found in most of the self help section and decided she wanted to have some fun, reclaim joy and live a fully authentic life.
And then she invited some friends and they invited some friends and now an army of strong, crafty, fun loving, authentic men and women all over the internet and blog sphere have taken up her cause and marched into the streets and across their web pages with…heart shaped sticky notes. And sidewalk chalk. Oh and warrior names that reveal their innate talents like ‘bubble blower extraordinaire’.
They do things like leave notes in books for others to find. Write joy in sidewalk chalk. Hug trees. And generally wreck havoc on the doom and gloom population glued to the network news.
Anyone committed to the sublime art of being their authentic self is welcome to join this rebel army. Potential warriors can join at http://brandireynolds.blogspot.com. There they will be welcomed into a community of amazing humans, receive weekly missions and get a badge to add to their blog or web page. They should probably not be averse to glitter glue.
Let’s make this a joy nation. Join today!!!
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{Brandi Reynolds is a photographer and joy rebel that clearly doesn’t take herself that seriously. For more info, you can contact her here: brandi@brandireynoldsphoto.com or visit her website here:http://www.brandireynoldsphoto.com}
There was a big city businessman who once went on holiday to a faraway beach. One day he walked past a local fisherman who was lazing around, with his fishing rod in the water, enjoying the sun and a beer.
The city man’s mind went to work immediately. The fishing spot was a gold mine, and a serious fishing business would thrive in the area. “Why are you so stupid?” he asked the fisherman. “Get some boats, hire some extra hands, and in a few years you will turn your little shop into a million-dollar business!”
The local man asked him. “And what would you do once you have a million dollars?”
The city man stared back blankly. “Why, I would have so much free time I could sit around in the sun all day and drink beer!”
Seen in an article on the Zen Habits blog.
A lot has happened in my life recently - some good some bad.
There were times when I thought I wouldn’t make it. When I just wanted it all to go away.
But I did make it.
Now I am stronger, more confident, looking to the future. I have taken a few bold steps along the path ahead of me.
I made the image shown here for my very wonderful friend Alexandre who has shown true friendship and understanding through the past weeks. But I post it here for everyone to share, and to remember how important those three words are in our dealings with all the other creatures we share the earth with as well as in our dealings with ourselves.
Honesty … Trust … Respect
Thank you for sticking by me and still checking this blog. I know it has been full of starts with no follow up. But all that is changing. The blog starts here - the journey starts here - the rest of my life starts here.
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately. Even more so than usual. To begin with, I had no idea what I was thinking about - just random thoughts, swirling round my head, trying to get my attention. Gradually, they began to settle and make more sense, and I started to actively think about them.
The way I feel right now, is something that has been building in me for a very long time. Anyone who has known me for any length of time, or who followed my previous blogs, will know that there have been times in the last couple of years when I have reached a turning point, had a revelation or discovered something profound about myself and my life. They will also know that none of these positive changes have lasted. They always have a good effect on my life, but the full force seems to fade away in far to short a time, drowned in the sea of my life.
I am quietly confident that this time is going to be different. I have been taking apart all the things I have learnt since I started on this path - because I have realised that it has all been one path, leading to this point in my life; not a series of different paths that I jumped between, never settling, as I used to think. I have been asking myself some fundamental questions about who ‘I’ am. What is it that i actually want from life? How much of the person I am now is actually real and how much is made up of other people’s perceptions? Which of the things I believe about myself are actually true and which are just ingrained habits from a lifetime of trying to fit in?
I don’t have all the answers yet, far from it, and I expect I never will. However, at least now I know the questions and I am making every effort to live my life in a more aware state - aware of myself, of my thoughts, of my opinions, of the people I come into contact with and of the world around me. It’s like awakening after a very long sleep, when everything seems slightly different to how you remember it.
I am challenging my own view of myself as well as the view the rest of the world has. Is it too late to do this? Am I too old? Too set in my ways? Too nervous, timid, shy? To full of self doubt? Who knows? I certainly don’t - but I am going to try to find out.
I have started to pull together ideas, plans, just in my head mostly for now, about things I wish to do - soon, in the future, and heaven only knows when! Plans to create and to learn; to improve and to grow; to simplify and to appreciate; to travel and to explore; to love and to laugh; to sing and to dance - to truly rejoice in the wonderful fact of being ME!
I can actually say, right here, right now, that for the first time in a very long while, I really do like myself. I may be a way off of loving myself - but I know I am getting there
I have no idea if any of this makes sense to anyone else or whether it just comes across as the ramblings of a crazy woman. It doesn’t really matter. This is me. These are my thoughts. This is my life. Hello world - I am finally ready to begin
Years ago, I hated tattoos. I thought they looked ugly and couldn’t understand why anyone would want to do something like that to themselves. Then, I saw a book on body art, and realised that there was a whole world out there that I knew nothing about. People told the stories behind their tattoos, what they symbolised for them. The illustrations showed a wealth of beautiful, intricate designs, in rich, jewel colours. I realised that what I had seen on old mens arms or worn by punks and skinheads, was nothing like the real art of the tattoo.
I still had no thought of having a tattoo myself until many years later, though I continued to admire them as an art form. I’m not quite sure how the idea of getting one for myself took root, it just sort of evolved until it was something I knew I would do one day. I always knew that my ideal image for it would be a Phoenix, which had come to be an important symbol for me, something I very much identified with.
When the time came, the money was saved and the courage found, I went along to our local tattoo parlour and spent literally hours going through all the wonderful designs they had. Unfortunately, not a single one came anywhere close to what I had pictured and I couldn’t afford to have a custom design made. So, I went away to think it over.
I was determined not to have a tiny, girly tattoo - not that I have anything against them. It just wouldn’t have been me (I never have been a ‘girly girl’!). In the end, I decided to go for something which showed what I felt to be the two halves of me. The rose was for the person most people see, female, a mother, sensitive and caring. The barbed wire was for what lay underneath - strength, independence, passion.
I’m not sure these symbols are quite right any more, though I have a strong idea of what they represent to me now, in this place on my journey. My tattoo is something no one ever expected me to do, something that made a statement. It marked a turning point in my life that may well have been the first step onto the path I now travel, several years later. One day, I fully intend to get that Phoenix - but my first tattoo will always be special.
Once upon a time, I was laying in a meadow, drowsing amongst the wild flowers and listening to the hum of the bees. I opened my eyes, looked up at the sky and noticed a strange shape, way off in the distance, moving closer. As the shape approached, it became clearer; details started to appear. I blinked, sleepily, thinking I must be dreaming. It wasn’t a dream though, and the floating castle tower - for that is what it was - carried on drifting through the air, slowly passing overhead.
As it disappeared from view, I closed my eyes once more. Behind my eyelids I could still see the tower, and as I drowsily lay there, I began to wonder …
How is it that I have already managed to lose one of the earrings I only bought on Wednesday? I spent most of yesterday sat here at my desk, and I had all four earrings in when I started. This morning, I went to sit down and found one of the butterfly backs on the seat of my chair and no sign anywhere of the earring!
I am seriously wondering if it has wandered off to join the socks!!